Forgetting

I look through my window
           out
                    toward Sutro                                                  Tower.
Clouds fade
in
       and
 past,
         cover it grey
                  then
             fade
back
       into the light.



As I read -
               sleep -
                         dream -
                                     wake-                   
                                                 I forget that tower is             there.

Nine

Hundred

&

Seventy
-
Seven

feet


It watches over
        me
          .

Have Your Cookie & Eat It

This is going to sound so twenty-first century, but being a blogger is hard work! Especially since most writers I assume have day jobs or other freelance obligations. How do they keep up with posting interested and thoughtfully assembled pieces each week? Maybe it isn't as hard as I believe it to be. Or maybe it really is difficult and I need to suck it up.

I've been toying lately with the idea of goals. Why do we set them? What do we gain from them? Why do some stick and others fail? My new job has required reading to help me dive into a new business-dynamic mindset. One such book, Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard, is about changing the way you perceive change. It's about making a switch in your life--one that you truly want to make--without totally changing who you are and how you think. For example, to stop eating cookies, I could just tell myself they are unhealthy and therefore make myself feel bad each time I eat one. According to Switch, that is entirely the wrong approach. People's habits and thought processes are not made to easily flip by will power alone. It takes some strategic planning and thinking tied along with the emotional side. Of course I want to eat that cookie right now. If I only listen to my emotions then I will eat it, straight away. If I only listen to my rational then I will never eat it. But if I combine forces and have a little pay off with a little self-control then I win. This book explains how. Though I haven't finished yet, it has good food for thought.

All this rambling about goals and blogging is because it is something I want to achieve, but need to work on. I've written about this before and pondered why it is that some activities we love are the hardest to complete. I adore writing, yet keeping up with it on a regular basis is, at times, daunting. At the end of a long day I usually want to curl up on the couch with a book and cup of lavender tea.

Well, all I can say for this post is that I am back on the blog. I will try my best to keep up with it no matter how hard the week is. In the end it feels far better to accomplish something rather than to keep putting it off and feel lazy. Now I'll go eat my cookie as a reward.

An Old Year's Resolution

The date is January 10, 2013.  I suppose I'll do a journal entry for the New Year:

Usually, I approach a New Year with excitement. Though, I haven't felt like this New Year was anything special. With working more than a full-time schedule, my spirits have been rapidly deduced into apathetic gestures.  I don't like it. This isn't me. The person who I long to be is six months past--running around the beach, listening to "chillwave" twenty-four-seven, riding the buses for fun, and taking each day as an adventure--as I should be!

When work sucks the soul out of you (and don't get me wrong, I love my jobs and am ever so grateful for them), but when they really take all of your best effort each day and leave you feeling dry, then what's left but to change your attitude!

I've been reading a lot of zen lately, though hardly practicing it. The conundrum is doing those things you set out to do--those things you love. Making time for what's important.

Now I am about to really get cheesy and sentimental. Here's my self-motivating guide for 2013. It's a journal entry, but the ideas are universal.

________________________________________________________________________________

I am my own personal motivator.
I am positive energy & good thought.
I know the totality of myself, only. 
I am reason.
         but I am also extreme emotion.
And I can just as easily bring myself down if I don't stop each day and take inventory of how special my life is.

So, my New Year's resolution is going in place today. Which is, I want to absorb as much out of life as possible. I don't want to dwell on negativity as I already do. Every day is a new day. And there are endless opportunities in this city. I believe I am taking advantage of them.

I want to start fresh. No more self-doubt. Stick up for yourself! You're a smart, creative, lovely young woman. Don't let one restless night of worry bring you down. Don't let others bring you down! You know when you're being mistreated. And in that momemnt you must stick up for yourself & not put up with other people's bullshit. Not ever! It's a waste of your energy to even care. You know in your heart what is right. Use that as a compass.

Because if you've learned anything since high school, it is that people can be terrible & they can be terribly wrong. You know when either occur, so do not tolerate injustice inflicted upon yourself or others.

Remember hearing about that old lady somewhere (this story always stuck with me): She said she used to worry all throughout her twenties, and then when she hit 60 she woke up and realized she was living in the best time of her life because she let go--let go of self-doubt and worry.

It's all zen. Just be in the moment. You can handle life, moment by moment. Nothing is ever truely wrong when it is all just 'being'. 

Passing all their lives in wasted toil, they do not see the sublime peak of realization of being as is. 
    *Pao-Chih

Be, in 2013.

(Photo by Andrea: Big Sur March 2012)

Gray Matters

This post isn't really about anything in particular. I am only expressing the fact that I haven't been good about regularly writing longer entries for this blog. Lately I've been concentrating on my photography and my cooking (see above). For me, each of these arts--writing, photography, cooking--over lap in regards to aesthetic, concentration, and form. 


Writing: 

I write when I feel inspired and every writer gets her inspiration in different ways. My writing comes in waves; waves of interest, motivation, focus, and momentum. Occasionally I am hit with random inspiration and every so often my ideas feel endless. Other times I sit down and choose a topic that's been floating about my head and try to pick apart or compose into understandable words. (Hence, what I am doing now.)


Photography:

I've been snapping photos on the reg without ever taking it seriously. I am not trying to make a living off it. I only want to share my view of the world with those around me. The reason I feel so adamant about doing so isn't about me at all. (Well, maybe a little.) It's because I feel overwhelmed by romance in this world. Yes, I am in love with the world. My only hope with photography is to nudge those that don't take the time to look up at the flock of migrating birds in the sky or look down at the two o'clock shadows cast by maple trees. It is those people, hopefully, that I make notice a thing or two of the world's everyday wonders. Even if what I am saying is all a cliche and it's all been done before, that's fine. Beauty is everywhere. Even if it's constantly the same thing over and over that I notice, all the better. My reasoning is to continue--always--to be on the lookout for it. There can never be too much beauty. * 

Cooking:

I guess it's no chore to cook if you spend almost 1.5 hours each time preparing dinner repeatedly. Because my prospective of cooking-as-work has completely shifted to cooking-for-fun, I adore it. Throwing together good food with thought and effort is the best part. I've learned to let go of the recipe-as-bible mentality and just wing it, which allows me to flex my creativity and feel accomplished once I see my idea through.
 


*Don't get me wrong when I toss around the term beauty. I am not only referring to it in the tradition sense, but also the all-encompassing beauty: that which is found in the sad or ugly.

**Photographed above is, well, a cheater's version of homemade pumpkin pancakes. It's the boxed mix from Trader Joe's. :)