Usually, I approach a New Year with excitement. Though, I haven't felt like this New Year was anything special. With working more than a full-time schedule, my spirits have been rapidly deduced into apathetic gestures. I don't like it. This isn't me. The person who I long to be is six months past--running around the beach, listening to "chillwave" twenty-four-seven, riding the buses for fun, and taking each day as an adventure--as I should be!
When work sucks the soul out of you (and don't get me wrong, I love my jobs and am ever so grateful for them), but when they really take all of your best effort each day and leave you feeling dry, then what's left but to change your attitude!
I've been reading a lot of zen lately, though hardly practicing it. The conundrum is doing those things you set out to do--those things you love. Making time for what's important.
Now I am about to really get cheesy and sentimental. Here's my self-motivating guide for 2013. It's a journal entry, but the ideas are universal.
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I am my own personal motivator.
I am positive energy & good thought.
I know the totality of myself, only.
I am reason.
but I am also extreme emotion.
And I can just as easily bring myself down if I don't stop each day and take inventory of how special my life is.
So, my New Year's resolution is going in place today. Which is, I want to absorb as much out of life as possible. I don't want to dwell on negativity as I already do. Every day is a new day. And there are endless opportunities in this city. I believe I am taking advantage of them.
I want to start fresh. No more self-doubt. Stick up for yourself! You're a smart, creative, lovely young woman. Don't let one restless night of worry bring you down. Don't let others bring you down! You know when you're being mistreated. And in that momemnt you must stick up for yourself & not put up with other people's bullshit. Not ever! It's a waste of your energy to even care. You know in your heart what is right. Use that as a compass.
Because if you've learned anything since high school, it is that people can be terrible & they can be terribly wrong. You know when either occur, so do not tolerate injustice inflicted upon yourself or others.
Remember hearing about that old lady somewhere (this story always stuck with me): She said she used to worry all throughout her twenties, and then when she hit 60 she woke up and realized she was living in the best time of her life because she let go--let go of self-doubt and worry.
It's all zen. Just be in the moment. You can handle life, moment by moment. Nothing is ever truely wrong when it is all just 'being'.
Passing all their lives in wasted toil, they do not see the sublime peak of realization of being as is.
*Pao-Chih
Be, in 2013.
(Photo by Andrea: Big Sur March 2012)
