The In-Between

I am taking a step back.

Lately I've been feeling overwhelmed with work, relationships, and lacking personal time. I have been focusing far too much on things that bring me down, such as job pressures, money and caring too much about what people think of myself and my actions.

Life changes everyday. I shouldn't be so caught up in those things; trivialities come and go, constantly. Nothing is static or sure. What I need to do is be reminded of the present moment. How hard is that, when you are working towards a goal in the distant future? How do you focus on the in-between time?

Well, that is just it! That's the problem. This isn't the in-between. This is the now. This is life. If I consider today as a mere steppingstone to where I want to be, then I'll never achieve happiness. Today is the day--today is my end goal. Everyday is the goal. That's how life should be perceived.  

Family Portraits

The story of how my parents met.

Grandpa with Dad, Aunt & Uncle

Parents & Palm Trees

Gambling Grandma is a baseball fan

Le donut was first introduced to me around this time.

Halloween or regular outing?

Spoiled

Let me be older than one-year!

Flyin'

Hawaii wedding

An Old Year's Resolution

The date is January 10, 2013.  I suppose I'll do a journal entry for the New Year:

Usually, I approach a New Year with excitement. Though, I haven't felt like this New Year was anything special. With working more than a full-time schedule, my spirits have been rapidly deduced into apathetic gestures.  I don't like it. This isn't me. The person who I long to be is six months past--running around the beach, listening to "chillwave" twenty-four-seven, riding the buses for fun, and taking each day as an adventure--as I should be!

When work sucks the soul out of you (and don't get me wrong, I love my jobs and am ever so grateful for them), but when they really take all of your best effort each day and leave you feeling dry, then what's left but to change your attitude!

I've been reading a lot of zen lately, though hardly practicing it. The conundrum is doing those things you set out to do--those things you love. Making time for what's important.

Now I am about to really get cheesy and sentimental. Here's my self-motivating guide for 2013. It's a journal entry, but the ideas are universal.

________________________________________________________________________________

I am my own personal motivator.
I am positive energy & good thought.
I know the totality of myself, only. 
I am reason.
         but I am also extreme emotion.
And I can just as easily bring myself down if I don't stop each day and take inventory of how special my life is.

So, my New Year's resolution is going in place today. Which is, I want to absorb as much out of life as possible. I don't want to dwell on negativity as I already do. Every day is a new day. And there are endless opportunities in this city. I believe I am taking advantage of them.

I want to start fresh. No more self-doubt. Stick up for yourself! You're a smart, creative, lovely young woman. Don't let one restless night of worry bring you down. Don't let others bring you down! You know when you're being mistreated. And in that momemnt you must stick up for yourself & not put up with other people's bullshit. Not ever! It's a waste of your energy to even care. You know in your heart what is right. Use that as a compass.

Because if you've learned anything since high school, it is that people can be terrible & they can be terribly wrong. You know when either occur, so do not tolerate injustice inflicted upon yourself or others.

Remember hearing about that old lady somewhere (this story always stuck with me): She said she used to worry all throughout her twenties, and then when she hit 60 she woke up and realized she was living in the best time of her life because she let go--let go of self-doubt and worry.

It's all zen. Just be in the moment. You can handle life, moment by moment. Nothing is ever truely wrong when it is all just 'being'. 

Passing all their lives in wasted toil, they do not see the sublime peak of realization of being as is. 
    *Pao-Chih

Be, in 2013.

(Photo by Andrea: Big Sur March 2012)

The Light Outside My Window

It's been so long since I've written anything for this blog. I feel terrible for letting it sit untouched. All of my physical & mental efforts, unfortunately, have been going towards work. So now, to play catch up, here are some pretty photos I took--all relating to types of light against my window.

(Ok, the city scape is not a view from my house, but I had to include it.)

Don't Lose That American Spirit

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Maybe all it took was my moving away from perfect Orange County to realize the real issues at stake and that my vote does matter. But this was the first year I actually cared about what I was voting for. Living in a city of 812,816 people can do that to you. Living on your own, paying for you home, and living without proper healthcare also shakes up the apathetic voter.

Unlike rallies at Berkeley or camping for the Occupy movement, voting has a direct outcome. Change happens through the course of one day (backed by years of well thought political campaigning). Though you may think it small, your vote makes a difference because you are exercising your right not to sit at home and let the nation choose for you. Participating in the great debate shows that you care for America's future.

It's easy for people to think that it doesn't matter if what you voted for wins or loses because your vote is just one in a sea of millions. But then why go to the polls? 

Here's my San Francisco spin on why it's important to vote: If we thought of voting like recycling then we would have a much cleaner world. It’s the same mentality. People easily think I am one person so my actions aren't going to hurt anyone if I do or do not choose to recycle. Multiply that thought by a city of 812,816 and now we've got a lot of plastic bags reeking havoc on our environmental well being. 

There’s an overabundance of careless people out there, apathetic to our environment because they think others will do the 'hard' work for them, they don't think they--as single individuals--can make an impact, or they just simply do not give a damn. But the same can be said about voting. Some people believe that their individual vote will not change the scheme of things, so they choose to sit at home and let the nation decide for them. Those kinds of people, frankly, don’t get it. Why then wake up each day and go to work? Why do anything at all with such a bland attitude? It’s depressing. If you want positive change to occur, it all starts with a single individual. Living in the United States of America, we are supposed to be working collectively towards such goal. Am I being idealistic? Sure. But I don’t support those who decide not to make a political decision at all. Hey man, where’s your American spirit?

Gray Matters

This post isn't really about anything in particular. I am only expressing the fact that I haven't been good about regularly writing longer entries for this blog. Lately I've been concentrating on my photography and my cooking (see above). For me, each of these arts--writing, photography, cooking--over lap in regards to aesthetic, concentration, and form. 


Writing: 

I write when I feel inspired and every writer gets her inspiration in different ways. My writing comes in waves; waves of interest, motivation, focus, and momentum. Occasionally I am hit with random inspiration and every so often my ideas feel endless. Other times I sit down and choose a topic that's been floating about my head and try to pick apart or compose into understandable words. (Hence, what I am doing now.)


Photography:

I've been snapping photos on the reg without ever taking it seriously. I am not trying to make a living off it. I only want to share my view of the world with those around me. The reason I feel so adamant about doing so isn't about me at all. (Well, maybe a little.) It's because I feel overwhelmed by romance in this world. Yes, I am in love with the world. My only hope with photography is to nudge those that don't take the time to look up at the flock of migrating birds in the sky or look down at the two o'clock shadows cast by maple trees. It is those people, hopefully, that I make notice a thing or two of the world's everyday wonders. Even if what I am saying is all a cliche and it's all been done before, that's fine. Beauty is everywhere. Even if it's constantly the same thing over and over that I notice, all the better. My reasoning is to continue--always--to be on the lookout for it. There can never be too much beauty. * 

Cooking:

I guess it's no chore to cook if you spend almost 1.5 hours each time preparing dinner repeatedly. Because my prospective of cooking-as-work has completely shifted to cooking-for-fun, I adore it. Throwing together good food with thought and effort is the best part. I've learned to let go of the recipe-as-bible mentality and just wing it, which allows me to flex my creativity and feel accomplished once I see my idea through.
 


*Don't get me wrong when I toss around the term beauty. I am not only referring to it in the tradition sense, but also the all-encompassing beauty: that which is found in the sad or ugly.

**Photographed above is, well, a cheater's version of homemade pumpkin pancakes. It's the boxed mix from Trader Joe's. :)

Summer into Autumn

*All photos taken by Andrea in San Francisco from September through October 2012.

Sun Rose High

October decided to greet San Francisco with the summer it's been missing. And greet it did. It got up to the high 90s in downtown this week. It is probably the first time I ever wanted to stay in doors on a beautiful day and not walk all over town. Intense heat is not made for San Francisco. Everyone looks miserable on the bus. The streets smell even worse, if you can imagine. And when icecream can't be enjoyed because it is so hot outside then you know there's a definite problem!

I shouldn't admit this, but I already miss the cloudy days sitting in doors with a hot cup of chai and a good read. I won't have to wait too long...Oh look, the cold weather is already back.

Riding Buses For A Hobby

As a Southern Californian advocate for public transportation I just had to live in San Francisco. Moving liberated me from my automotive chains. No longer do I worry about finding a parking spot, paying outrageous gasoline fees, or receiving a ticket. But the transition from LA freeways to life on the bus took some getting used to. Often I am away from home the entire day, so I learned how to be resourceful and organized before venturing out in the city. I always ask myself, “What’s the forecast? Where am I going and how do I get there? Do I have enough food to last me seven hours?” Not that I’ve become a nomad, but living in San Francisco has brought out my adventurous spirit.

Though Belle and Sebastian sing in The State That I am In, “Riding on city buses for a hobby is sad/Why don't you lead me to a living end,” taking the bus is more pleasant than most would believe. You have shelter; you don’t have the anxiety that driving brings; you can sleep, read, listen to music, meditate or daydream. Of course you’ve got to accept what comes with travelling by bus: a mix bag of personalities, being off schedule, breaking down, and having less personal space. But anyway you commute there is always some small sacrifice. I find myself riding the bus, for what feels like 60% of my waking time. Because of it I’ve become more productive with other aspects of my life. I base when I leave the house, how much I am going to carry, and where I’ll end up in the city all on riding the bus. No longer do I sit in traffic in Southern California or feel too lazy to commute. Here in San Francisco the bus has become an extension of my home—a place where I can sit and ponder as the world pans by.   

Trouble Coffee Speaks the Truth

Neil Young & Stevie Wonder have left just as quickly as they've come. Now we can get on with our lives.